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1057 – Archway Station Bus Depot. Nigel puts his Father Christmas hat on and checks himself in the mirror. It's a good hat. It's not one of those hats covered in silly frilly bollocks like glitter or bells that Nigel feels would undermine any festive dignity, but nor is it a cheap bit of tat that he picked up on the market. It's a nice deep lush red with what looks like genuine white fur lining the rim. It's a good hat.

1059 – Stop 1 – Archway Station Junction Road. The C11 pulls up to the stop and Nigel puts on his best Christmas grin. His hat sits at what could be described as a jaunty angle. Nine people get on the bus. They all largely ignore Nigel and his hat, tapping their Oyster cards against the reader and keeping their eyes fixed in a downwards direction. One old couple flash their passes at him, see the hat, smile and wish him a Merry Christmas. He wishes them the same.

1106 – Stop 6 – Brookfield Park. A young mother has difficulty getting her pushchair up and on to the bus. Nigel quietly hopes that someone will help her, but when he checks the mirror they are all looking out of the windows or at each other or anywhere but her. She eventually manages to lever the pushchair up and on. Nigel smiles at her, but she ignores him or doesn't see.

1110 – Stop 10 – Gordon House Road. A young boy, Nigel guesses about 14, gets on and tells Nigel that his hat looks 'well gay'. Nigel ignores him.

1117 – Stop 15 – Royal Free Hospital. The hat is starting to make Nigel feel self-conscious. As far as he can tell he's spread minimal festive cheer, has been directly insulted once, and indirectly (he assumes) many more times. He starts to wonder why people find it so difficult to cheer up at the sight of a slightly silly hat that's meant to remind them of happier times.

1124 – Stop 24 – Primrose Hill Road. Now this is a dilemma. A man has got on and tried to use an Oyster card that's out of credit. He's trying to put on his best look of incomprehension and claiming that he only just topped it up, but Nigel's heard it all before. Also, the man only looks a couple of sips of White Lightning away from collapsing on a park bench. He tells the man he'll have to get off. The man refuses. Nigel insists. 'Come on mate, it's Christmas.' Now Nigel is stuck. The man is gesturing at Nigel's hat. He wants to say, 'That doesn't matter,' to the man, but he knows the words will taste like ash in his mouth. 'Try it again,' he tells him. He does so. 'Yeah, it's fine, must have been a problem with the computer.' It's a lie, and not one Nigel feels great about. 'Merry Christmas!' the man says. Nigel half-smiles and nods.

1133 – Stop 31 – Fairhazel Gardens. A mother and child get on. The mother sees Nigel's hat and her mouth cracks into a wide, beaming smile. 'Look Justin!' she says to the child. 'Father Christmas is driving the bus!' The boy looks up in shock and awe. Nigel lets out a heartfelt 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' as the mother drags the enraptured child down the aisle. The kid doesn't stop watching Nigel for the rest of their journey.

1141 – Stop 39 – Solent Road. A badly shaven middle-aged man gets on and mutters, 'Prick,' under his breath as he taps his Oyster. Nigel smiles at the man and then accelerates away just as the man's about to sit down.

1149 – Stop 46 – Cricklewood. A group of giggling teenage girls get on. They see Nigel's hat and break out into hysterics. Nigel can't tell if they're laughing at him or not. He wishes them a Merry Christmas but they ignore him.

1157 – Stop 54 – Brent Cross. The final stop. Everyone gets off. No one says anything to Nigel. He slowly pulls the hat off his head and stares into the distance, not moving. Then he turns the bus around, puts the hat back on, and begins the return journey.